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Headline For Friday, April 2 / 2003

UN To Boycott New York City

White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer says Americans don't need no stinking Frenchies.

UN HEADQUARTERS, NEW YORK -- Secretary-General Kofi Annan announced that the United Nations will boycott New York City in protest of the US military action in Iraq.  "Money spent in New York goes to the pockets of Americans and is used to fund their war," said Annan. 

All the staff and delegates of the UN will remain in the UN complex between 42nd and 48th Streets in Manhattan.  "We're right on the East River, and the French have set up a floating restaurant for us" said one senior UN official, speaking on condition of anonymity.  "Technically, the UN is not part of the USA, it's international land, and we can do as we please," said the official.

Asked how the UN delegates will be able to travel without using the three major airports around New York, Annan said "travel by ship is very comfortable, we will use various other means to come and go, and never set foot in the USA."  The United States funds 25% of the UN annual budget, and its citizens are the largest contributors to UN efforts such as UNICEF.

A senior White House official remarked "That's fine, we don't need their polyglot money.  It's alot cheaper to buy a few cruise missiles than to pay for the UN anyway."  News2Me asked this official if his remark indicated that the cruise missiles might be targeted at the UN, he replied "Thanks for the idea, I might suggest it to the appropriate people."

The New York City Police Department has offered free transportation for any UN personnel who wish to leave the city, using their latest acquisition.  "We have purchased a few Patriot missile batteries, and any UN personnel are welcome to ride the missiles out of the city, at no charge," according to a statement issued by NYPD Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly.

Staff Writer Resto Purinal reporting for News2me


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