|Posted on Sunday, February 16 / 2003|
Band N'Sync Travel To Baghdad To Act As 'Human Shields'|
BAGHDAD - The popular pop boy band N'Sync arrived in Iraq today to join the anti-war effort by going as far as acting as human shields to deter the United States from bombing targets in and around Baghdad.
"I don't believe we should attack," band member Lance Bass told reporters. "The Indians here are a peaceful people."
The band this morning even draping banners with large red bull's eye markings donated by fellow band Backstreet Boys over public facilities in Baghdad at an electricity station, a water treatment plant, and the Martyrs Bridge over the Tigris. "Bombing This Site Will Kill N'Sync Forever" one banner read.
Meanwhile at the United Nations, Secretary-General Kofi Annan and the 15 Security Council members were meeting to discuss the new potential benefits of a war in Iraq with the arrival of the band. France, however, informed of the potential humanitarian consequences of 600,000 Iraqis that would most likely flee to neighboring countries with the arrival of N'Sync.
While the band members will reportedly be placed at key infrastructures in and around Baghdad, sex idol Justin Timberlake has received a personal request from Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to stay in his palace master bedroom. Iraqi officials insist Hussein will sleep in a sleeping bag next to the bed and that the invite was just that the dictator loves all kids.
"He loves kids," the official said. "He has even said he would kill himself if there were no longer kids on Earth."
In Washington, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said President Bush was looking into a new U.N. resolution to rid the world of children. "He is looking into all possible solutions to rid Iraq of forbidden weapons and of Saddam Hussein."
All this takes place as the military buildup continues in the Middle East with over 100,000 soldiers already in the region. On the aircraft carrier USS Kitty Hawk now in route to the Persian Gulf, News2me reporter Jack Sims informed F/A-18 fighter/bomber pilots of N'Sync's actions inside Iraq to thwart an attack.
"You have to be *edit*ing me," Navy Commander Howard 'Hawkeye' Sanchez exclaimed. "You have to be *edit*ing me!"
Pilots reportedly started pleaded with superiors to be in the first initial waves of air assaults should Bush decide to use military force.
Ryan Phillips reporting for News2me
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