Posted on Thursday, February 20 / 2003

Kia Motors Operated By North Korea; Americans Warned

No Photo Credit Issued Washington - In a bomb shell announcement Thursday CIA Director George Tenet revealed Kia Motors Company, based in Seoul, South Korea, is indeed owned and managed by the North Korean communist government.

"Spies and communist sympathizers," Tenet said, "have been building these Kia automobiles and exporting them to the United States for years now un-noticed."

Kia sold 237,000 vehicles in 2002 alone with a total of over half a million Kia products on American roads, with about another half million broken down on the sides of American roads.

Soon after the startling announcement several Kia dealerships closed up hastily and employees fled into hiding. The national threat level still remains at 'scary orange'.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge insisted that citizens remain calm but to be aware that Kia automobiles are a ticking time bomb and should contact their local authorities immediately. "Those with information concerning the whereabouts of Kia sales people should contact the FBI," he added.

Over one thousand Kia employees have already been arrested and will be flown later today to the U.S. detention center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to be interrogated.

In response, North Korea boasted that their automobiles are far superior and when the order is given will transform into top Transformer Decepticon Robots and destroy the "outlaw renegade" superpower. "Only a non-aggression treaty can resolve this standoff," a government spokesman added.

President Bush is expected to speak later today from the White House on the matter, but a early News2me poll shows kids think Decepticons are no match for the Autobots.

Ryan Phillips reporting for News2me


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