Posted on Thursday, February 20 / 2003

Judge Judy Nominated By US To Head United Nations

No Photo Credit Issued New York - The White House today called for Secretary General Kofi Annan to step down from the United Nations and has nominated network television's Judge Judith Sheindlin to take his place.

This move comes after weeks worth of disappointments from the UN on the United States position of calling Iraq in breach of resolution 1441, which calls for Iraq to account for and eliminate weapons of mass destruction. Annan is widely known for his passiveness and bowing to pressure from fellow members.

Sheindlin is known for her hard hitting no nonsense abilities in the courtroom and promised she would not put up with any crap from world leaders. "I will get things moving and weed through all the senseless mumbo jumbo," she said from a press conference in the UN building in New York.

She further boasted it was her way "or the highway for France and any other Joe Blow who thinks they can pull a fast one on me. Not in my court room!"

Kofi Annan was outraged and protested the announcement but was quickly escorted away by Petri Hawkins-'Byrd', Judge Judy's bailiff sidekick.

Countries from around the world were quick to respond to the news. Britain and Australia both said it "was a decisive move", Russia and China called it "provocative", Iraq said they didn't recognize the move and instead themselves nominated Pamela Anderson to the seat. North Korea stated they "were not phased and would triumph over democracy and nuke the..." before Sheindlin told them to 'zip it'.

Changes soon to come, according to Judy, is for UN proceedings to be televised each night at 7PM with each discussion being solved in ten minutes or less. Speakers will be given time to discuss the issues at hand but she will no doubt interrupt and belittle when they don't directly answer her questions within two sentences.

When the Bush Administration was questioned about the legality of their move, President Bush shrugged off any doubts in the law. "The laws are clear to me. Annan wasn't with us - wasn't funny, so he must have been against us. Now Judge Judy, she's funny as heck."

Ryan Phillips reporting for News2me


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