Posted on Friday, February 21 / 2003

Handgun Falls To Number Two For Deaths Per Year, Behind Nightclubs

Photo thanks to Reuters WEST WARWICK - With last nights blaze during a Great White concert inside a local nightclub in Rhode Island as well as last weeks stampede in a Chicago nightclub, clubs have bumped handguns out of the number one spot for number of deaths per year.

"Shocking," was the word from FBI agent in charge of the Rhode Island investigation. "We are going to get a handle on this situation and make all the appropriate arrests," Agent Nick Angel said across the street from the smoldering remains of the once popular nightspot.

Great White lead singer Jack Russell was placed into custody without incident under the US's new anti-terrorism charges. He reportedly started the blaze through a pre show pyrotechnics display. Angel stated this falls under the "inciting a riot and enticing terror upon others."

The blaze killed over 35 people with the Chicago stampede killing another 21. Other various clubbing disasters this year have claimed over 450 lives such as the 'Night At The Roxbury' disaster and mafia shootout at Vice City's Malibu club. Guns have killed 421 people so far this year, but over half of those were in or near a nightclub.

The FBI is reportedly starting a project where club owners can turn in their clubs to authorities no questions asked. A test bed for the project in Los Angeles has reportedly already removed 24 clubs off the streets.

"The streets are safer and my kids can once again play outside," homemaker Debra Williams told reporters near the club collection stand.

"The answer is to this rising crisis is not the number of clubs out there," Agent Angel said. "Its the number of club owners."

Congress is expected to rush a bill to the president by Monday outlining new legislation to add sweeping powers to law enforcement to get club owners off the streets.

Democrats however call for club goers to be licensed rather than clubs themselves. "These deaths are mainly caused by panicking idiots," said Senator Ted Kennedy. "The answer is to allow club goer permits to only those of a average IQ or higher."

Ryan Phillips reporting for News2me


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