|Posted on Monday, February 24 / 2003|
UN Inspectors Prove Iraqi Missiles Travel Hundreds Of Miles, The French Surrender
PARIS - United Nation weapons inspectors in Iraq today test fired one of hundreds of al-Samoud missiles Iraq has stockpiled, concluding that the missiles do indeed travel farther than UN resolutions permit. The UN launched missile reportedly hit the Eiffel tower in Paris, broke apart, and reigned debris down onto tourists. No one was injured in the incident.
"The missile test proved that these missiles have the potential to travel up to several hundred miles, far exceeding the maximum range permitted by the United Nations," Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix told reporters from Paris.
Iraqi officials initially disputed the test saying in a news conference from Baghdad that the missiles weren't weighed down by the chemical or biological agents "which by the way do not exist."
When reports of the test firing reached French troops, thousands immediately threw their hands up in the air while others jumped into ditches or ran into hiding. "When I heard that the Iraqi missile traveled to our great city I told myself we could have been killed," exclaimed one army soldier as he stood in line outside Paris with hands up waiting for Iraqi troops to claim him as a POW.
At noon, French President Jacques Chirac addressed the nation on television and radio from under his desk announcing their surrender to invading Iraqi forces and pleaded for British and American help. "This is a sad, sad day for French citizens," he solemnly told the people. "We are no match for the forces of Iraq and therefore will surrender and spare the lives of our people."
In Washington, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer was at a loss of words over the French announcement. "I, err, am not sure what to say but I think it's common knowledge that the French people are lovers and not fighters."
In Baghdad, Saddam Hussein addressed a crowd of over 10,000 from the balcony of his affairs building where he fired shots into the air and chanted anti-American slogans for hours on end. He said at one point, "With the United Nations on our side we shall conquer all races not of Arabic blood."
After the victory celebration the Iraqi president reportedly trimmed his mustache down to half its size, parted his hair to the side, and ordered his Republican Guard to loot France of all its treasures.
Staff Writer Ryan Phillips reporting for News2me
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