Posted on Monday , March 17 / 2003 |
Win the war and make big savings: I was wandering around aimlessly at work
the other day when I saw a group of co-workers watching a video of some
war footage in Afghanistan. It was a good opportunity to be unproductive,
so naturally I stood there and watched. The video was in black and white,
and was shot from the point of view of the gunship as it fired explosive
rounds at people. There was a little cross hair on the screen, and you
could hear chatter of the pilot as he dropped the bombs.
Every time the pilot clicked the trigger button, it resulted in an
explosion a few seconds later. They were literally firing thousands of
rounds per minute, easily using hundreds of thousands of dollars in
ammunition on people; not tanks, not turrets, not even jeeps, but people.
So this gave me an idea: rather than using $100,000 worth of ammo, why
don't we take $100,000, convert it to pennies, then drop the pennies on
people instead? You could get 10 million pennies for $100,000, which
should be able to fill at least 40 bags full of pennies. Thus we could
drop bags of pennies more frequently than bombs, which could mean big
savings for our military. Hell, you don't even have to drop them in bags
to kill people. You could tape the pennies together 10 at a time and drop
them from a height of 5,000 feet and kill damn near everything on the
ground (and in a war on terrorism™, this is exactly what you'd
want to do).
I call it: operation penny-drop. It's the perfect way to win a war. Even
the hippies won't be bitching because after the war is over and we've
killed all the terrorists, the people who are still alive can rebuild
their country by picking the pennies from the skulls of the dead people.
Not only will we have won the war, but we don't even have to worry about
paying war reparations. It's the perfect plan because everybody wins. We
kill all the evil terrorists, and give them some of our own currency to
rebuild their country with. Eventually when we open the first Starbucks in
their country, we won't even have to worry about currency exchange because
they can use the left-over money to buy beverages, and let's face it, who
could resist an ice cold frappuccino after a long war?
The military probably won't consider this idea because it's too good.
Realistically, the military will probably continue to drop traditional
bombs. However, it's a well-known fact that a percentage of bombs we drop
every year won't detonate. When we're talking about bombs that cost over
$100,000, that could add up quickly, so what can we do in case the bombs
don't go off? Simple: strap bombs to the back of german shepherds:
The idea is that if the bomb doesn't go off, and the german shepherd's
back doesn't break, then the enemy would be in for a nasty surprise when
they'd try to retrieve our weapons. Sure a few dogs would die as
collateral damage, but it would totally be worth it to see the expression
on the terrorist's face when they get attacked by our german shepherds.
The CIA could capture this with spy satellites and put together a
"Terrorist Bloopers" video, which could mean more money for our
military. I can't believe nobody thought of this idea until now. |
The views and opinions expressed are that of Maddox and not News2Me. Maddox is a programmer for a telemarketing company and web developer of his own website. This piece is taken from maddox.xmission.com with his permission; all rights reserved.
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