NEW YORK -- In his most stinging rebuke to the French, US Secretary of State Colin Powell announced that the US would implement a long-forgotten protocol in the UN Charter and would veto the entire country of France if France interfered with the disarmament of Iraq.

"We'll first put you on double-secret probation, then we will veto your country," said Powell. If vetoed, France would cease to exist, and the occupants would be forced to roam the streets of other countries begging for loose change. The veto authority was written into the 1946 UN charter in order to legitimize France, which at that time was still recovering from it's failed union with Nazi Germany.

New2Me's staff historian Pablo Zimmerman analyzed the veto article for us. "The worry was that France would go off any marry some other dictatorship, and we couldn't bear having to liberate them over and over again. Today is a similar situation, Powell appears worried that France and Iraq will tie the knot. This veto threat is very serious."

Double-secret probation means that we will watch the French very closely, looking for signs of matrimonial intent with Iraq, like selling them arms or other ways of getting around the UN economic sanctions imposed in the last 12 years. "It should not be difficult to establish that France has exchanged gifts with the Iraqis, in preparation for union with Saddam," Powell said. Given that the French were selling military spare parts to Iraq through January 2003, Powell's statement appears to be true.

British Foreign Minister Jack Straw proposed a compromise to vetoing France. "We will just wait for the wedding, and at the last minute, run in yelling 'I object!'. We don't want to veto France and have all these French people roaming through London asking for our spare change, we need that money for our own beggars." The sentiment in the UK is that "those blokes across the ocean" won't have to deal with French beggars because they can't afford the airfare, but the relatively inexpensive Chunnel train service makes it easy for those beggars to come to England.

One organization that's in favor of vetoing the French is Disney, who have plans to expand Euro-Disneyland (just outside Paris) over 80% of France, making it the world's largest theme-park. "We would be delighted to submit plans to transform most of what is now France into Disney Universe, as long as we didn't have to deal with French beggars asking our guests for change. That particular point must be resolved before we would proceed," said an anonymous Disney executive.

French government officials could not be reached for comment, although one official was seen sticking his finger down his throat in response to Powell's remarks at the UN. Defiant to the end, France apparently feels it can whip the US in any diplomatic situation. We will follow this story as it develops.

Staff Writer Resto Purinal reporting for News2me